It's been awhile

I haven't written in awhile not even in my paper journals because I've been working and in the process of moving into my new apartment!

You stayed with me even after you were gone I saw you in my dreams, I saw you in the reflection of the water and I could've sworn it was real. I missed you so much it was starting to eat at me, I literally could not shut my eyes without replaying that Sunday and start to drift off. I don' know what things will be like when you come home, will you still be one of the best friends I have ever had? Or will we pretend that this whole year didn't happen? That you weren't my shoulder to lean on, that I wasn't the one person you told all your secrets to. It's so hard losing friends and even still heartbreaking when you lose a great friend. Someone who gives you as much as you give them, and you don't feel slighted for once.

I can't sleep, I can't dream, I can't eat

" I know we won't want for much, It's just me and you and a bed
and a shoreline."

Last night I never went to bed
I laid my head to rest upon my pillow and started drifting in and
out of reality
I was talking, either out loud or it was a fragmentation of my mind,
I was talking to myself about my notes
atleast I think that's what I was talking about
I feel as if I'm wasting time whilst sleeping, coincidentally I also
feel like sleeping is a recluse, I can spend a little time out of my
mind
I don't dream, it's black, empty, comforting space.