i have many unorganized thoughts about you

I roll over in bed and there is just empty space.
There is no one to brush the hair out of my eyes when I wake.
My forehead is left unkissed.
I suppose I should get used to you not being here for the next couple of weeks, because in a few months you'll be gone for 3 months.
Hearing you say it out loud that you miss me, my knees buckle just a bit.
Eventually I will tell you just how much I care, because I love the way you show me just how much you care about me every day.
I hate the city sometimes and I really don't like the cold at all, but we were standing in the middle of the busiest street on the east coast and you kissed me.
The cars, the smog and the people aren't there, everything melts away.
And I kiss you back, I kiss you with everything in my heart.

Ps: I love you.

ptsd

I cried for the first time in a couple of months and it was strange. I was driving and all of a sudden a car came centimeters away from slamming into me. I freaked out, pulled over, parked and cried. I felt so awkward just crying in my car on the side of the road, but even the fact that I came that close to getting into an accident honestly, just sent me right over the edge. I miss his face, his lanky arms and his green eyes. I really would've liked to do something a little more productive. I studied, and then went to my dad's parents' house. I showed them several prints and pictures of the swim team, I love hear old stories about how they met. I really just want to wake up finish my photo assignment, develop my film, and visit colleges and walk around campuses. I've been feeling incredibly overwhelmed as of late, I have no time to do anything and I want to drop a class. I know I can't and I should really just get the easy A, but that's so boring to me. I miss my friends, I miss New York and I don't know what's stopping me from just getting on a train and showing up at her doorstep.