I've got you, I've got you

It's good to be in love, and that is really just so true.

It has been beautiful out

Sweater weather; my favorite.

Everything just feels too good, half the time I expect my house of cards to just tumble over

But it hasn't...

...(yet)

And honestly I hope it doesn't. I am no longer haunted by the ghosts of what I could have been or who I could have been with. I feel light and occasionally, simple. Laughing comes easy and despite the ever changing status of my home life, I've got you. And at times I feel weird or guilty for putting all this weight on you or into us rather, but it makes no difference. I have finally escaped my own thoughts, I can go to sleep and not hear a thousand little thoughts hovering above me. This weekend is going to be so nice, I can't wait to go hiking with you and your friends tomorrow. I just want to stay outside in this weather for as long as possible.

3:33 am

In the early hours of the day are when I miss you most, I just want to be around you, for you to be near me. You ask what I'm worried about most, do I worry for selfish reasons? Of course I do, I am so damn lonely and you are the only person that appreciates my anxiousness and eccentricities every single day. I am worried about cutting the cord to find you are what keeps me sane, I should be able to function on my own. Where do you start? Where do I end? What really scares me is the person that you could possibly become. Will all your original theories be lost? Will you be tainted by all that you will see? You scorned me yesterday, telling me I can't have an opinion I did not participate. But people who have been there are supposed to tell you it's not that bad, it's their job, it's all in the paperwork. You're becoming federal property. You tell me I can brag about what you're doing over there, but I've never been the bragging type. I always thought this was a joke that you could never be serious about it, tomorrow you'll decide.
"You are all I have here, I don't have anything waiting for me."

I try to argue with you, I lay on my side and the tears from my left eye fall into my right. I yell, but no sound comes out. I consider my own major choices, should I just pack up and leave to San Francisco? Should I just get away from everything and everyone on the East Coast? I can't help to think I might be better off being entirely disconnected. I read through your papers, it says you are signing up for 6-8 years, you did not tell me this. I wonder if the people that you talked to are telling you even the slightest truth. We sit in the car driving through the back roads to Salmon River, my arms are folded and I'm looking out the window. You keep talking about the benefits, this will help you get ahead. You get frustrated because I don't have a distinct stance on anything, I'm passive. I tell you to just stop bringing it up, I want to have a normal day. Hours later the sun fades into a million colors and you ask me if I just want to keep driving, I say yes.