Summer's Past

It's really weird hearing from you again just because well how things took that unfortunate turn. I didn't know who's side to be on, but I really was on yours. However, blood is thicker than water and I didn't have much of a choice to stop being your friend. I know that you didn't mean to do what you did on purpose, things just got out of hand so fast. I thought it was hysterical most of the night until the end. I sincerely hope you are doing well, I have no hard feelings towards you what so ever and I don't think I ever did. You really are an intelligent, nice and hilarious person with even more hilarious friends. I just thought that things would turn out different. I thought that when you came home it would smell like summer again. I thought that when you came home we could si in your back yard and talk about the stars just one more time.

Green Green Grass

And it wouldn't be a morning if I was a zombie until I had a cup of coffee.
And it wouldn't be a good afternoon without talking to or hanging out with Julie.
And it wouldn't be a Sunday if I didn't listen to American Analog Set with my windows wide open, a little breeze floating in.
And it wouldn't have been a summer night if I wasn't staying up still the sunrise when I knew full well that I had work or other obligations in a few hours.
And it wouldn't have been summer if I didn't kiss you, an astrology major going back to university to finish your thesis a few days short of fall.
And it wouldn't have been summer if everything fell apart and I learned just how strong I am.
And it wouldn't have been a great summer without a frivolous best friend, it wouldn't have been half as perfect without her.
A summer night would have been next to nonexistent if we weren't driving around for hours, our backseat passengers constantly changing.
Without arizona, or obnoxious synth bands, without ice cream, and bad dates, without loving and losing, without falling and getting crushed, without a perfect tan, without good looking coworkers, without the water, without sunday nights, without best friends, without a camera and film, without California, without beaches and lakes, without you cooking me dinner, without mix cds, without long drives, without laying on a blanket in my gay best friend's backyard, it wouldn't have been anything at all.

It's weird that these really are the very last days of summer and they just keep getting better and crazier. I spent the whole day floating down a river, running into rapids and laughing with friends. I've got some battle scars and I got a more than decent tan. We danced, we sang, she cried and I fell in love with summer all over again. It is bitter sweet because I've made a lot of new friends this summer and I want to just keep spending all my time outside and surrounded by them all. Tomorrow all of us are going to Misquamicut beach for our last get together before we all go our separate ways. Honestly, despite everything I am happier than ever.



let this be our little secret
no one needs to know were feeling
higher and higher and higher
but i feel alive and i feel it in me
up and up i keep on climbing
higher and higher and higher

She sang a short tune, " da dadadda dahh"

I like my life and where things are right now. I do not care about the fact that I let my self get really close to someone that may or may not have ASPD, but I'm okay with that. So okay to the point where I laughed and said, "it figures." I attract the weird, broken, mentally disturbed kinds. I don't know what it is about me that they find so comforting. I'm a good listener, I try to give really beneficial advice, but I feel like everyone tries to do that. What is so special about me that these people feel like they can trust me with everything they have? This is the main reason why I wanted to be a psychologist, yes the field is insanely interesting but it's the instant connection I can make with almost everyone I meet that I think is not something anyone can do. My friends bring me along to meet their other friends for the first time, to meet their boyfriends or girlfriends, to talk to their families because I appeal to all of them in some little way. I am relatable and for the most part aproachable. I guess these are good traits to have, but it can be a little scary letting someone who is so in their mind and completely out of touch with reality get close to me, to trust me.
I think I finally have a best friend for the first time in a very long time. I am finally able to open up about things that well I just don't discuss with anyone else. I laugh hard, we live fully and I have no regrets. I feel whole. I really want us to start a band, to have shows at kitschy venues even if we just end up laughing at ourselves for forty minutes.