I'll miss you all through the fall and into the winter

As the summer's light slowly dims, and the heat begins to recede it reminds me that my time with you is ending. It wouldn't be so hard if I got to spend your last weeks continuously with you, sleeping and living with you. After we started putting everything in its right place, it ocurred to me that we won't be sharing this bed, or this table. I will be living totally alone til the winter and I am scared. I am worried where my mind will wander, I am the most terrified of becoming paralyzed by depression. I want to be able to live and grow without you, but I almost feel guilty not being able to share it all with you. I am not really sure where I am going with this, I just hate the feeling of missing someone and knowing that if you really did need them they can't just appear. I don't awnt to miss you for months. I don't want to celebrate our anniversary alone or enjoy my favorite season, Autumn alone. I love Autumn and all of it's colors, but apart of me now loves it more because it's the time of year we met and fell in love. There won't be any apple picking or drinking hot cider together. Somehow I am comforted by knowing that when you come back from the military I will have you everyday to go to bed with at night and again to wake up to. By the end of winter you'll be back home, fingers intertwined with mine.

If I kiss you where it hurts would you feel better, better, better at all

Tonight was officially the last night of summer, it's sort of strange to be honest. I don't see myself actually going to classes tomorrow morning. But, unfortunately I will be in a statistics class at 9:30 am wondering why I decided taking this class was a good idea. I am seeing someone I haven't seen in a month on Tuesday for reasons I can't even tell you. It should be interesting and uncomfortable, but I'm still optimistic about it. I finger the bracelets on my right wrist, my only visible attachment left from summer other than my tan. I don't want it to end, but really I should sleep and not think about you anymore than I already am.

It's weird that these really are the very last days of summer and they just keep getting better and crazier. I spent the whole day floating down a river, running into rapids and laughing with friends. I've got some battle scars and I got a more than decent tan. We danced, we sang, she cried and I fell in love with summer all over again. It is bitter sweet because I've made a lot of new friends this summer and I want to just keep spending all my time outside and surrounded by them all. Tomorrow all of us are going to Misquamicut beach for our last get together before we all go our separate ways. Honestly, despite everything I am happier than ever.



let this be our little secret
no one needs to know were feeling
higher and higher and higher
but i feel alive and i feel it in me
up and up i keep on climbing
higher and higher and higher