Fall Meal

I'm dancing in your living room surrounded by those equivalent in maturity but decades older than me. We are throwing our hands in the air we are singing about falling in love, with glasses of red wine and champagne in our hands, occasionally sloshing and making its way onto the floor. We don't care if there is a hurricane outside, our cheeks are rosy, and we are surrounded by wonderfully educated people. The night wouldn't end and I was fine, your grandparents want me to visit with you. I sneak a smoke on the back porch with your sister and our mutual friend we discussed college, starfishes, the usual. I saw you hanging off the railing of the stairs swaying backwards, I grabbed your hand and we somehow made our way downstairs. You bashed me in the head accidentally and back flipped over the couch. Let's just sit for awhile dear. You knocked over your cup of water and it landed in my lap, I wasn't mad but you were very upset. You were stringing your sentences together much like I am doing with mine, you were talking in tongues, truthful tongues. You kept using your hands for emphasis at the wrong times. You told me you loved me and we both laughed because you were very drunk. You kept repeating over and over again that I was very beautiful, that I am so sweet, I should go upstairs and hang out with your sister, my best friend; that I'm smart and easy to talk to. And your sister, my best friend came downstairs and watched you try to bite my face, her and I laughed. You talked about how lonely you are, your inferiority complex, how you think about killing yourself often and it made me sad that you really don't have anyone to talk to. In the morning you looked completely different, your beard was gone, your face was pale and your voice was monotone and your words were direct, you were embarrassed but I wish you weren't. It's fine I said, because it really was just fine.

I can't stop loving you.
All the things you are.
Give me your honest opinion...

How do you know if I will

I don't.

The light and the sound

I used to kill for this, just a hint of it. My mind got all fucked up again on a rooftop, in an unfamiliar city that I have a love/hate relationship with. I couldn't force the liquid down my throat fast enough. My tricks failed me, but I don't have tricks anymore. I'm trying to be honest, and real but that's not what you wanted, not what you asked for at all. You wanted a girl who can twirl her hair like they do in movies, someone who can't stop talking about subjects you know damn well you don't care about, a girl who has lines that just won't quit. You want eyes that have no emotions behind them, you want a head that's as hollow as the bottles you've been downing all night, predictability. But I can't do anything like that, I can look into your eyes long enough to make you feel like I'm burning a hole in you, but really I'm just leaving my mark, I can recall endless amounts of information, I can move in my own way. I second guess myself, I'm the awkward girl that you want to be your very best friend. I the same age as your sister, you remind me of someone I used to love, I love you as my friend, my very best friend. There's always an excuse. I got this problem that never sleeps. Truth is if we'd met 5 years ago I'd probably be the object of your affection, go figure.