crashing like a tidal wave it drives me out to sea

Listening to her to her yell I am taken aback.

I feel my hands searching up my sides and my nails start pulling at my skin.

A little shiver runs up my legs and I think about the amount of damage I will inflict f I jump out of the car.

It is harder and harder to be around people who are so negative when I am just trying to get out of my own way.

I know that I can get through this because after one of the shittiest years, I survived for the most part unscathed with some abnormal and precancerous cells.

But, despite the words of others I know it isn't my fault and I didn't deserve nor expect to be so thrown.

I just wanted to go to the ocean yesterday, cry into the waves and have it all be muffled by them crashing down on me.

I want to tumble under the water without any control and come bursting up for air.

I just want to feel alive and well, I don't want medications or surgeries.

A peculiar thing love does for people

Eyes hang low, I shift from one foot to another.
A foot in my mouth.
You can't hold someone's love for another against them.
But I will always hold your actions against you, you are accountable. You have to be.
My eyes fill up and I turn away I let it go
She says she can't do it anymore and that it doesn't matter she has no purpose
I try to reason, there is nothing.
I say sometimes you do things to benefit others and not yourself, that it's a good thing.