If I kiss you where it hurts would you feel better, better, better at all

Tonight was officially the last night of summer, it's sort of strange to be honest. I don't see myself actually going to classes tomorrow morning. But, unfortunately I will be in a statistics class at 9:30 am wondering why I decided taking this class was a good idea. I am seeing someone I haven't seen in a month on Tuesday for reasons I can't even tell you. It should be interesting and uncomfortable, but I'm still optimistic about it. I finger the bracelets on my right wrist, my only visible attachment left from summer other than my tan. I don't want it to end, but really I should sleep and not think about you anymore than I already am.

Green Green Grass

And it wouldn't be a morning if I was a zombie until I had a cup of coffee.
And it wouldn't be a good afternoon without talking to or hanging out with Julie.
And it wouldn't be a Sunday if I didn't listen to American Analog Set with my windows wide open, a little breeze floating in.
And it wouldn't have been a summer night if I wasn't staying up still the sunrise when I knew full well that I had work or other obligations in a few hours.
And it wouldn't have been summer if I didn't kiss you, an astrology major going back to university to finish your thesis a few days short of fall.
And it wouldn't have been summer if everything fell apart and I learned just how strong I am.
And it wouldn't have been a great summer without a frivolous best friend, it wouldn't have been half as perfect without her.
A summer night would have been next to nonexistent if we weren't driving around for hours, our backseat passengers constantly changing.
Without arizona, or obnoxious synth bands, without ice cream, and bad dates, without loving and losing, without falling and getting crushed, without a perfect tan, without good looking coworkers, without the water, without sunday nights, without best friends, without a camera and film, without California, without beaches and lakes, without you cooking me dinner, without mix cds, without long drives, without laying on a blanket in my gay best friend's backyard, it wouldn't have been anything at all.

It's weird that these really are the very last days of summer and they just keep getting better and crazier. I spent the whole day floating down a river, running into rapids and laughing with friends. I've got some battle scars and I got a more than decent tan. We danced, we sang, she cried and I fell in love with summer all over again. It is bitter sweet because I've made a lot of new friends this summer and I want to just keep spending all my time outside and surrounded by them all. Tomorrow all of us are going to Misquamicut beach for our last get together before we all go our separate ways. Honestly, despite everything I am happier than ever.



let this be our little secret
no one needs to know were feeling
higher and higher and higher
but i feel alive and i feel it in me
up and up i keep on climbing
higher and higher and higher

First train home

I've only known you for a week and I don't know we haven't enough time, and you're already leaving leaving for Providence. You keep making me swear, and promise that I will come visit you. You act completely different around me when you don't have a front up, and I like it. You're so sweet and you can make me laugh until my stomach muscles are killing me. Today is your last day here and we are spending the day together. I'll help you pack and we'll probably double over laughing about something you said.


First train home got to get on it.

This seems all too familiar, but at the same time it really is someone else, a different time and a better place.
We sat in your hide away watching each others' faces and the lights of the candles flickering.
Smoking, and talking.
I watched you watching me, laughing around each bend and turn, faster and faster.
And you've got lips I could spend a day with.

A place in displacement

So I guess it is true when you stop trying, things do happen on their own.

I am glad that summer is winding down, I want beautiful fall weather.
I want to curl up on my back porch and hug my cardigan covered arms while sipping on a steaming cup of tea.
I want to wear my brown boots and hear the leaves crunching underneath my feet.
I want the wind chill, the smell of the crisp air in the morning and for all humidity to cease to exist.
I want my thoughts to stop wandering, I want to be buried in books and drinking endless cups of coffee from the cafeteria in the tower.
I want my headphones blasting, I want to be sitting in the oddly comfortable chairs in the library and thinking of something clever to say when he walks by.

With or without you

There is no easy way to say what I am going to say. It is next to impossible to find someone that you can change and evolve with at the same if not a very similar pace. You are incredibly lucky if you can find someone who can deal with what you bring to the table. I feel like there is so much weight off my shoulders, I can finally do half the things I have been talking about. It is an amazing feeling to be free of any worries, without my wings tied behind my back. I know last night I sounded affected, but the more I got to thinking about it all and the more I talked about it with my best friend I realized this is not as bad as it seems, it's actually a very positive thing. So I hung up the phone with you, called my best friend back and we laughed, we reminisced, and made a list of pro's and con's. I told her about my theory that I knew exactly where my life was going if I stayed with you, but without you there are so many possibilities.

I think I am going to be just fine without you.

It's all about us

It takes all I've got to listen and not fall apart. It's sort of like having liquid courage and being able to say your thoughts exactly as they come to you. You don't change a word and somehow it all turns out okay, you don't fall and you make it home... somehow. And you don't question your morals or look the other way, you drape your friend over your back despite how much it hurts and you ignore the fact that it's a possibility she might puke down the back of your neck. You don't join in with everyone and laugh at the pathetic girl who has been throwing up for hours, you hold her hair back and rub her back. You ask her if she wants some water and she starts swearing at you. You dance with your friend knowing that despite his long distance girlfriend he is jealous of any guy that talks to you. And when you turn to face him he tells you, "You know better."

Quiet and rulely

No matter if the color is shades darker or if it's a slightly different model I still look inside, usually it's empty, but I still look hoping that one day we'll run into each other again. I don't know what it was about you that somehow got under my skin and literally pried it's way into my life, but it worked. And maybe this was all apart of your plan. After hearing those rumors I should have ran for the hills, instead it only made me want to help you and to be around you. I wanted to know if it was true.


our faces split the coast in half.
you somehow managed to split me in two.