Inconclusive IVD

I'm laying on a metal bed and the attendant is poking my arm trying to find a good vein. I start to cry a little I'm tired of the tests, no answers, inconclusives. She finally finds a good vein, she tells me what will happen once they put they dye into my bloodstream. I don't say anything. I lay there in an empty room hooked up to machines and I stare at the cracked ceiling. The bad plaster does not comfort me, no one holds my hand. They tell me when to breathe, they run their tests. My mouth tastes only like metallic, my legs feel like ants are running through my veins. I'm so damn tired, I haven't eaten in 48 hours. I don't want to move. After several hours, I pick myself up hoping this will be the last time I will be meeting with doctors, specialists, having appointments, having disappointments.

I will get answers.

I wait in another room, I fiddle my thumbs, I rest my head on my Dad's shoulder he tells me to go to sleep. They come back and tell me it's inconclusive, it's not my kidney's this time. Next step is to meet with my regular doctor, meet a new specialist, go to another hospital, more absence.

Absence;

Devotion no matter what the cost

I just want to be back sitting over the edge of that porch watching the swells and the moon. I want to be talking about nonsense and have you understand everything I'm saying because your eyes are so fixated on my mouth. I knew you understood, I threw my head back and laughed so hard as we spun around. Your friend dared me to run right into the waves and I did. We drove for four consecutive hours, not once stopping. We took every scenic route because we didn't have commitments, we worried about no one. Detaching ourselves from our pathetic existences back home. There always seems to be so much promise in the middle of the night, we have aspirations and dreams we don't talk about during the day. Afraid they will die when the sun rises.

Sans hermit

What it must feel like not to be so manic.
Oui.