Love is everywhere

She's right, it's not fair that everyone just keeps on living while we mourn. It's just not, I hate the grins on people just passing by, they feel so smug even though I know they are not. Don't smile at all of us driving behind the hearse crying for what seems like the billionth set of tears. My Great Aunt Gene passed away it was strange to see her again at her wake. What gave me a sense of peace were seeing all the pictures, hearing all the stories, she lived a life full of love. When I went up to have my moment, I felt her, I knew she would want me to be there for my mom as my mom was for her, and that she loved each and every one of us there. The thunder felt symbolic as if she was trying to tell us all she would not approve of us crying or the way she was dressed. She was so vain and so beautiful. Her lip color was wrong, her face puffy from the medication she had been on, and her hair color was nowhere near as dark as it should have been. Yes, she was 80, but she wasn't old by any means. My mom would visit her after her shifts at the hospital and she would be in her room doing scissor kicks. At her wake we found out her brother, my great grandfather had passed away as well, before my grandfather could see him. He had flown out early yesterday morning, but something hadn't felt right. There I stood in a mass sea of black, drowning. I choked after being everyone's rock all night, I cried so hard. I didn't sleep last night, I just kept crying. I called Evan, after searching for someone to talk, I knew it wouldn't be best, but I did. He told me I was selfish for wanting more time. I only cried harder and cursed him for not having just one human bone in his body. Today I cried at the church while her son was giving the most amazing speech I had ever heard, I felt like acid was pouring out my eyes. Everything hurt. I looked over at my mom, I looked back at the pews behind me, everyone's expression; identical. Nest weekend I will have to go through the motions all over again.