I'll miss you all through the fall and into the winter

As the summer's light slowly dims, and the heat begins to recede it reminds me that my time with you is ending. It wouldn't be so hard if I got to spend your last weeks continuously with you, sleeping and living with you. After we started putting everything in its right place, it ocurred to me that we won't be sharing this bed, or this table. I will be living totally alone til the winter and I am scared. I am worried where my mind will wander, I am the most terrified of becoming paralyzed by depression. I want to be able to live and grow without you, but I almost feel guilty not being able to share it all with you. I am not really sure where I am going with this, I just hate the feeling of missing someone and knowing that if you really did need them they can't just appear. I don't awnt to miss you for months. I don't want to celebrate our anniversary alone or enjoy my favorite season, Autumn alone. I love Autumn and all of it's colors, but apart of me now loves it more because it's the time of year we met and fell in love. There won't be any apple picking or drinking hot cider together. Somehow I am comforted by knowing that when you come back from the military I will have you everyday to go to bed with at night and again to wake up to. By the end of winter you'll be back home, fingers intertwined with mine.

Dinosaur mug

I'm sitting in my old room drinking coffee out of a mug I bought 3 and a half years ago and it is so oddly comforting. The breeze is coming in and rolling over my skin leaving behind fresh goosebumps. It feels good, and reminds me off all the autumn days that I sat here drinking 6 or 7 cups of tea and just writing, writing, writing. I like feeling that way again, I feel independent and that I can be okay by myself, I have no thoughts about anything else or than what I am doing right now. It's as if my mind has been wiped clean and I can just focus on the sound of my own inhaling, exhaling, sipping, repeat. Out of the corner of my eye I see an old picture of me on the beach and I close my eyes and imagine I'm there, just for a second. I feel so calm and I can almost feel the sand pooling around my toes. I let my mind wander more and I wake up in the sand feeling as if everything is in it's right place.