Who were you after you were mine?

I couldn't even focus on my own two feet in front of me, I'm losing my mind, like walking is something foreign, some radical concept I forgot
I'm not sleeping I'm up all night thinking, better yet comparing, I'm comparing you
I think back to last year and I wonder if I'm doing the right thing
Nothing seems right, "why'd you put that makeup on?"
I remember art galleries and hurricanes, small closets enclosed spaces, you'd kiss my many faces love and mathematics it was always our morning routine coffee and the cover of Naive Melody sitting in the parking lot holding hands getting ready to face the day, nothing else mattered. I never felt so appreciated, so special things were always right, never faltering. Power lines and laying in the fields, so cliche and yet so original with everything we did. I'm grateful, I'm sad, I want to feel that way again. I want to not bite my lip and hold back tears I haven't let out all year.
"I loved you, did you know that? I fucking loved you."
"I know I love you still"
I find myself remembering that night, wishing they'd played our song
This means nothing to you it's just what it is, nothing. I don't want that though, I want the light of the moon, I want Lover's Spit I want you to finally let me win.