Selfish selflessness

I don't feel comfortable with the way my clothes fit

I cant get used to my body's limits
I got some fancy shoes to try and giggle away these blues
They cost a lot of money but they aren't worth a thing
I wanna free my feet from the broken glass and concrete
I need to get out of this city
Lay upon the ground stare a hole in the sky
Wondering where I go when I die
When I die.

I looked at you through the fumes, and I leaned in and asked, "How did you learn to deal with life after your father's passing?" I know you've been waiting for me to ask this, you smiled and said, "Well I took to the bottle, but that got me no where, no where at all. It made me more depressed when I couldn't even produce tears. You know it's been three years a few weeks ago?" "I leaned into you and I said I know." My mind traveled back to the day when we stood out in the parking lot surrounded by the whole girl's swim team. They didn't know you, or your dad the way I did, I was mad that they used his memorial as a day off from school. You nearly crushed my bones to dust that day, holding onto my hand with everything you had left. I buried my face in your hair and through the sounds of the planes saluting and flying over head. I told you and your dad that I was sorry it got too hard for me to come over your house towards the end, I'm still so sorry. you needed me and I disappeared. I couldn't handle all of my shit and I closed myself off from the truest, bluest friend I have ever known. Just hanging out with you again, I see so much of your dad in you, god he was the greatest dad in the world. I miss the nights when we'd stay in and dream of our future selves, when your dad would tell me stories, when he was so damn worried about my eating habits. You have his eyes, his presence, his wisdom. I feel like a fool for walking out on you, but you invited me to see you again soon. Sitting on that porch at a girl's house we barely know, surrounded by people we barely know, smoking and reliving our decade of friendship.