Park that car, drop that phone

We were driving, and my mind was paralyzed. But, the quiet is so damn comforting. We sat side by side on the overpass, looking down at everyone else, I felt lucky to be so content and so far away. Displacement. I like how it feels when your arm is draped around my side, your hands in my hair and the wind chilling my bones. The only thing between us, is my pomegranate chap stick. We start driving again, and we make every excuse to miss my exit over and over again.
"in the night the city's quiet
from the rooftop we can see the moon rise high above the clouds
just enough light to see our faces give expression to the words we thought, but didn't speak
and then you asked me a question that i won't forget
even if i spend my life trying to live up to what it means"
Ida- Late Blues

and you are just a ;paperbook
lost at sea, drift to me.

I should know

I felt like not only did every last breath in my body get knocked out of me, but like the blood was drained, I sat there hugging myself, completely cold to the touch. I am asking too much, I'm going about it in all the wrong ways, why try winning when the game is rigged for me to lose? My chest felt sunken in, and you kept commenting on my black eyes and how I should sleep. Except when I tell you what keeps me up at night, what I was feeling at that moment you dismiss it. You had to put your foot down somewhere, what I want is irrelevant, not important. Who I have I become?

A silver lining; seperate thoughts

Yo quiero comenzar mi vida.

These past few months, no matter how stressful and disoriented I got I knew there had to be a something worth it, and today I found it at a table, surrounded by my family, and you. Celebrating a holiday that has no bearing or weight in any of our lives. Cooking together, laughing, and realizing how stupid I have been. It was the few and far between moments I should have analyzed instead of the bigger picture. And then you said it, the only thing I have wanted to hear, "well we've got a whole lot of time."

"hands down
i'm too proud for love
but with eyes shut
it's you i'm thinking of
but how we move from A to B?
it can't be up to me
'cause you don't know
eye to eye"
Drake and Lyyke Li - Little Bit

You get mistaken for a stranger by your own friends

Let's raise a glass to squalor, but more importantly incompetence.
I'm the incompetent one, because I just don't understand your ways.
You're the filth, the misery stricken.
I listen and while you are talking I'm having my own conversation with myself. A debate is going on between the rights and the wrongs, "what to say next, shit what am I going to say next. He just contradicted himself, did you hear that too?"
"God, now I need to think of something else."
I look up and a pair of eyes are boring into me. I get a little fidgety, realizing the long pause is being extended because I have to reply with something witty, something interesting, it's what is expected. I can't ever just say, "well that's true. I see what you are trying to get across."
Who needs a degree? I'm already everyone's personal psychologist, and on my downtime I double as a chameleon. Whatever you need me to be, I am.

I fear that the sunrise will come too soon and you'll disappear into the haze of the city

I finally realized what my problem is, it's the fact that I am too nice, I let people back in my life that I never should have talked to that first day so many months or years ago. I am the better person in most of my relationships, I am the better friend in the friendships I have. I don't just talk, I mostly listen. I don't break plans, I'm not secretive or conniving, I'm respectful and I will tell you my honest opinion without inflicting any pain at all. I guess I'm one of kind, I must be the only one. I understand you can't go through life as a hermit, interactions and relationships are important if you want survive. I hate that the one thing you want to be normal you won't even consider working at. Where did the compromise go? I just had a conversation with myself out loud and I talked about how I have no conscience when it comes to you, I don't feel an ounce of regret, at this point I am going to do what I have to do in order to keep my sanity, I deserve to be happy. What you don't deserve is my time. I used to consider you one of the best things that ever happened to me but I guess time happens, some of us grow up and we know who has our best interest in mind. Others are still trying to impress people who don't give a fuck. What happened to the girl with the bright eyes and who cared more about friendships than keeping up with the joneses? I never thought I would say this, but I have to agree that the city has changed you. I have to say I've never seen you look so good, but it kills me that you are putting up fronts. Stop worrying and let what will be, just be.