I am happy to hear your voice.
Happier still, when I see your face.
I don't need any riddles, metaphors or syntax.
This is essentially who we are, just blood, bones and social routines.

"the thin skin
thick skulls
and awkward knees
each one unique by
fractions of an inch" - Owen

She sang a short tune, " da dadadda dahh"

I like my life and where things are right now. I do not care about the fact that I let my self get really close to someone that may or may not have ASPD, but I'm okay with that. So okay to the point where I laughed and said, "it figures." I attract the weird, broken, mentally disturbed kinds. I don't know what it is about me that they find so comforting. I'm a good listener, I try to give really beneficial advice, but I feel like everyone tries to do that. What is so special about me that these people feel like they can trust me with everything they have? This is the main reason why I wanted to be a psychologist, yes the field is insanely interesting but it's the instant connection I can make with almost everyone I meet that I think is not something anyone can do. My friends bring me along to meet their other friends for the first time, to meet their boyfriends or girlfriends, to talk to their families because I appeal to all of them in some little way. I am relatable and for the most part aproachable. I guess these are good traits to have, but it can be a little scary letting someone who is so in their mind and completely out of touch with reality get close to me, to trust me.
I think I finally have a best friend for the first time in a very long time. I am finally able to open up about things that well I just don't discuss with anyone else. I laugh hard, we live fully and I have no regrets. I feel whole. I really want us to start a band, to have shows at kitschy venues even if we just end up laughing at ourselves for forty minutes.

Lisa Lobsinger is a goddess

An Anniversary Away by Reverie Sound Revue from Reverie Sound Revue on Vimeo.

Well I coulda mapped a million ways home

I had the best day of my summer so far.
I love open water, I love being outside, and I really love being on a boat.
I love the waves, I love the smell, I love what it does to my hair, soft waves.
I love the sun on my back, I love listening to good music, and I really just like spending time not worrying about time.
Exact to me.


Exact to you.

Cus maybe you want him, like you want me, only truly.

I am free. There is no one tying me down. I am not obligated to anyone. I am no one's best friend. I am free to drift from place to place. Change my persona. And it just feels too good. I lived and I learned. I am prepared to drink a season of doubt. I am going to shake off these past couple of months.

I used to find myself with you on rooftops, in the passenger seat of your car, looking over a cityscape, your confident, your only friend. I stayed up late helping you and researching your papers, studying with you over cups of coffee that seemed to disappear within a few very short minutes. At one point I supplied you with pills, you still have my little hand painted box, I want it back. I laughed with you, I cried with you, I grew with you. I spent months wondering what I did, I analyzed our very first get together dissecting the subjects of our conversation and the subtexts of your jokes. There was nothing I did wrong, it was you the whole time. We spent a lot of time together at night, in diners sipping on shitty coffee. I still think of that photograph of you in black and white, with your head turned away from me.

"It hurts when you rule me, and everyone can see through me." - American Analog Set

and the days end, and the days end, those days end

I would never jump to any radical assumptions and say that I am psychic, because well I'm not. But I do have an odd knack for being able to foresee events and put two and two together a little faster than most. Last night was the first time I'd see you in a month, short of two days. It was a regular night, I was anxious for our conversation. I told you about Friday, your birthday and how we would have a whole day together. I was going to give you the best birthday, because you deserved it, and more importantly because I thought it mattered to you. Your voice was everywhere, and I listened to you. We laughed a lot, and talked about we would study for our classes together in the fall. Fall is our favorite season, just another thing among the mile-long lost of various interests we have in common. We kept talking I mumbled something about leaving, but we ended up stayed for another two hours talking, listening to music. Sipping our coffee and complaining about our shitty jobs. You got up with the check and I put myself back together. I was genuinely happy, because I always have such a good time with you. We started driving and instead of immediately getting onto my exit, we kept driving, what I thought it was, it isn't now. I told you a very long story, to go a long with equally long drive back home, and you listened the whole time as I explained every detail. We said our goodbyes, which lingered a little too long and you whispered that you had something to tell me. I didn't expect it, I suddenly felt overly nauseous and dizzy. I didn't want to feel anything, you were talking to me and I kept repeating myself.

"... for right now."

"Okay, okay I'm okay, okay, I'm fine, okay. "

"What about Friday?"

So how do I do normal? Where do we go from here?

Lost in coffee rings and fingerprints,

I don't wanna feel anything, but I do

and it all comes back to you.

i can't stand when everyone can see right through me

"Let's engage in an Ongoing conversation
Hopping from topic to topic
From the tropic of cancer to recess and bitches
Why I'm always bringing work home with me
More baby kittens And sucker punches"

It's not me it's you, so you stay and I'll go. The past few weeks have flown by and I wonder where it all goes? Who were you before you were mine? I feel inclined to be affectionate, and to take care of you. I don't want to fix you, which is surprising but I really just don't. I love all that is wrong with you and how you are not afraid to tell me about that night your freshman year and how you did drugs for the first time and never will do them again, or how you actually love your parents. I think you are sweet and genuine, a semi-precious stone.

Not to be confused, this one's for you

So tonight was what I've been talking about with Julie over coffee, a night where we just do something, whatever it is. Where we just say okay, with no regrets, and jump off the deep end. I love meeting new people, interesting people with lots to talk about, people who use slang in the same ways I do, people who are not afraid of living. We turned the car on, we let people in and I know it doesn't seem like a big deal, but it kind of was.
I take back everything I said, Julie, this summer is going to be everything we want it to be.
Live it up.

Immaculate Heart

I have no recollection of how I got here, how I could keep on living oblivious and with something not so minor...missing? I know what I have to do, and do it. But I won't know what it is until it's done. There really is no good time to leave or any better explanation that is acceptable, because I do not deserve one. He doesn't owe me anything, which I guess I should have sort of seen this coming but naturally I didn't. I'm too busy with summer on my mind. I got my summer skin, my summer clothes, a summer job, I got a few good friends, I shouldn't want more, but I do. I shouldn't really care at all, but somehow I do. I shouldn't feel a pang of jealousy, but hey I do. So instead I will listen to all the mixes I made for someone else, the ones I felt you didn't deserve to hear, and I will laugh and laugh until this summer is long behind me.