Hold my wine, hold it in.

I went to a party last night, I seem to find myself at a party every weekend now, normalcy. I went by myself and managed to have a great time despite not knowing anyone. I am glad that I can have faith in myself in such situations and not let my social awkwardness get the best of me. I knew 3 people there, and I barely knew them, but I talked up a storm. My sister showed up over 2 hours later and we laughed at what was going on around us, sober susans. Sometimes, I can look into her eyes and I feel like she's growing up and we have these amazing conversations. Sometimes I am happy to be her sister and I feel proud knowing she can't live without me. I put my headphones on when the party started to wind down, it felt like a movie with a perfect soundtrack playing. Everyone moved so slowly in front of me, cleaning, cooking and drinking. Eventually I found myself in someone's room eating nutella and pretzels with my sister and two of our friends. I fell asleep in his room, singing the song "Sleep" to him. I was awake til 5 in the morning just talking and cuddling with someone. It is enough to fall asleep next to someone, to have your head rest on someone's chest with their hand rubbing your back until you fall asleep into dead silent slumber.


"Fill these spaces up with days
In my room you can go you can stay
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep

Now these years locked in my drawer
I'll open to see, just to be sure
I can't sleep
I can't speak to you
I can't sleep"