When nothing else makes sense

It is an oddly wonderful feeling to have
so much to lose.

For a minute there I lost myself

I lost consciousness in yours arms, how?
I have no recollections.
I remember you carrying me to the shower and holding me up, I couldn't stand on my own.
I was shaking, and everything was blurring.
Images, your face, your voice, I couldn't understand anything.
Somewhere distantly I heard you saying my name, you kept saying my name.
I never want to feel like that again, to not be able to feel, or see, or touch you.
Sometimes I think you truly are the best parts of me.

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight

I can’t eat, I can’t sleep, I can’t think straight
I did not know it could be like this
Some things are better off being left alone
There are things that are best left unknown

Oh hands, don’t fail me now
They’re the only things I have left
Oh fingers, don’t let me down now
They’re the only things that I’ve got
Oh world come, come crashing down now
Oh hands don’t fail me now
Oh let me become deaf and mute to this
Oh hands don’t fail me now

Great Lake Swimmers - Moving Shaking

I can not believe that there is even the slightest possibly that next fall I will over 2,000 miles away. I can not wrap my head around this magical thought that consumes me everyday. I am so excited and nervous, but mostly anxious to see where these next couple of months will carry me. Where will I end up? Mom already told me that you are ready to let me go, I was so happy. Happier than I have ever been to hear that you have realized we will never be alike, you just have to let me be exactly who I am. The black sheep.I am glad that you realized there is no point in trying to keep me around because I will transfer, I will find a way, and I will pay out of my own pocket.

Au pair; is that fair?

It is amusing that you come to me with your trysts and quandaries
expecting to see signs of empathy in my face.
You will only become familiar with my laugh lines because you are foolish,
how many times do I have to repeat myself?
It has become increasingly more tiresome,
I have felt more like a caretaker than someone resembling a confidant.
I would rather not consort with you, without you my life would be twice as ameliorable.
We'll see, oh we'll see.

your back is my wailing wall
your back is my wailing wall
your back is my wailing wall
your back is my wailing wall

Young Galaxy - Wailing Wall

Fitz and the Dizzyspells

I don't want to feel dependent on anyone, I want nothing to do with eighty percent of the people in my life. I want to pack up my things and move to the city, I want to be done with all the pettiness this place has to offer. I have spent so much time tip-toeing around people and walking on egg shells for the sake of their (in)sanity. It kills me that I wasted so much time on people the never deserved to be my friend in the first place. I can't wait for what tomorrow has to bring. I am so happy to wake up without this overwhelming feeling of other peoples' problems in my head. We had a good go, but it's not me it's you.

i have many unorganized thoughts about you

I roll over in bed and there is just empty space.
There is no one to brush the hair out of my eyes when I wake.
My forehead is left unkissed.
I suppose I should get used to you not being here for the next couple of weeks, because in a few months you'll be gone for 3 months.
Hearing you say it out loud that you miss me, my knees buckle just a bit.
Eventually I will tell you just how much I care, because I love the way you show me just how much you care about me every day.
I hate the city sometimes and I really don't like the cold at all, but we were standing in the middle of the busiest street on the east coast and you kissed me.
The cars, the smog and the people aren't there, everything melts away.
And I kiss you back, I kiss you with everything in my heart.

Ps: I love you.