You are a song for me to sing, a string of verses that goes on & on

There's never really any right time to leave or any goodbye that will make you feel less alone after someone leaves. I remember freshman year absolutely resenting my boyfriend at the time for leaving and not saying goodbye. He just packed up everything and left, went to another country and then another. When we finally saw each other again, I understood. Goodbyes are just too hard.

And now it seems strange with my current boyfriend gone. We said two goodbyes, the first was honestly the most heart-wreching, gut-pulling, nauseous goodbye, because it just hurt too much. He forgot something and had to come back, the second time was better, in my head we were just hugging until next time. Next time being 3 or more months from now. But, I am actually doing a lot better than I thought, I guess it helps that I have never associated any songs with him or with us. Which was always the hardest part for me, after a break up, a passing or a goodbye the songs that I associated with them seemed to play on loop. Which is just awful because how can you not get sentimental?

Slow down

In some ways I wish I never had to go back, that I could just turn my back on them. It is evident that they were never supposed to have these roles, never really thought them through, well that's my luck. I know it could be worse, but I hate that saying it is beyond irritating to me. I feel bad and then I don't. It's a constant war between my head, history and common sense.

You are right they are terrible,
well I mean they have their good moments,
but doesn't everyone?
Isn't everyone just made of good parts?
That's true no one is a perfect whole.

I don't know I guess I really am just ready to let go of this place and all the attachment and sentiment. the people in this house, the good the bad, the especially ugly and the beautiful moments where I woke up to sunshine and snow days.

Fitz and the Dizzyspells

I don't want to feel dependent on anyone, I want nothing to do with eighty percent of the people in my life. I want to pack up my things and move to the city, I want to be done with all the pettiness this place has to offer. I have spent so much time tip-toeing around people and walking on egg shells for the sake of their (in)sanity. It kills me that I wasted so much time on people the never deserved to be my friend in the first place. I can't wait for what tomorrow has to bring. I am so happy to wake up without this overwhelming feeling of other peoples' problems in my head. We had a good go, but it's not me it's you.